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Sure Clay Buccholz would probably take the DUI cake, but that's like betting on whether Bill Simmons will write "Absolutley" in one of his columns. It's going to happen. Absolutely.

Plus I'm tired of Bill Simmons making fun of my height in his increasingly awful columns. But at least he's not as much as schmuck as Jerry Remy. More about hating the RemPoodle later.

Anyway, back to the DUI waiting to know both are veterans, both are surly, both are past their primes, but Lowe will at least have 40+ million dollar contract in whatever city he is in...while Brad Penny might be in Pawtucket, where the only thing to do is drink. So I'm going with Brad Penny to be the first guy who has to ring up a DUI Lawyer.

Brad Penny and girlfriend Alyssa Milano aka Sam from Who's the Boss. I'm not jealous at all. Kelli Pedroia is a fine woman.


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